I’m going to hell.
This will not come as a surprise to anyone that knows me. Nor will it surprise anyone else, as no one reads this blog, (which is just fine, this is more of a self-indulgence anyway).
The most recent reason for my eternal damnation rests upon the feet of my inability to *not* vocalize a horrible idea.
This horrible idea, rife with all manner of wrongness is rather simple. I want to re-create Kubrick’s classic, ‘Full Metal Jacket’ only as a militant wing of the Catholic Church, and call it ‘Full Metal Convent’.
Now that you are done vomiting, I’ll ellaborate on why this will wake me up in the middle of the night, only to giggle with pure glee. The idea of a militant group of nuns is not one of my own concoction, it is a concept familiar to any reader of obscure comic books, or Simon R. Green, and quite a few other authors, (or really anyone who went to a Catholic school I hear).
The crux of the dellicious humor for me, is casting R. Lee Ermy in the movie as the ‘Sister Superior’ or ‘Lead Christ-Bride’ or whatever they call the one in charge, (after God, Jesus, Mary, Glen Danzig, and Bob Villa).
I can’t help but laugh my ass off when I see a formation of battle-grizzled nuns singing cadence as they march, (especially the really dirty ones).
I also have the delightful visual of Mr. Ermy telling this convent to ‘Pray’:
This is my ruler. There are many like it, but this one is mine… (Hillarity I say!).
Or how about this gem? Picture a nun covered in battlefield-grit, cigar clenched tightly in her teeth, launching a righteous salvo of bullets from her M-16 while the camera zooms in enough that you can see WWJD tattooed on her knuckles. Exquisite!
I assure you, there is much more.
So… who wants to give me a sack-full of money to shoot this?
