I have just returned from Canada, which I affectionately like to refer to as one of the names in the post’s title.

I went with my lady for a weekend in Vancouver. It is mostly chock full of construction for the upcoming 2010 Winter Olympic Games. We regardless saw much of the city, and had a generally fantastic time.

I could go on and on about what a wonderful weekend it was or I could share the one odd thing of note, (and our more sensitive geeks, those prone to night-terrors or bed-wetting may wish to skip this):

MOUNTAIN DEW HAS NO CAFFINE IN CANADA!

You heard me, no fucking caffine in the Mountain Dew sold in Cana-nadiannada. It still had a fuck-load of sugar in it, but none of the beautiful, life-draining caffine that I love.

I grabbed it from a vending machine, ignorant of my fate. I popped the tab, took a swig, and SPEWTCH, spit it out violently. I looked at the can trying to devise what had betrayed my pallet, only to discover written on the back of the can, “Contains no caffine”. I tentatively tasted another sip, and sure enough it still tasted every kind of wrong.

I made my way to the machine that dispensed this obscenity, and purchased a Dr. Pepper to see if it too had been Caffi-strated. Examining the back list of ingredients, I learned that it’s Caffi-ginity remained intact. 

I cannot figure out why the caffine is gone from one and not the other, but it haunts my dreams. Thanks a bunch Cananada, you’re a pal.

~John