Fuck you and your reading

My cat has decided he hates books.

If I set a book down on my desk/coffee table/misc. surface, he will spring up to that place and immediately knock it off from where it sits. He then looks straight at me as if to say, “Yeah, that happened. What of it?”.

He does not really seem to do this with anything else, (cell phone, beverage, change, etc.) just whatever book I happen to have with me when I come home, or pause reading around the house.

Odder still, is that he does not attack or otherwise interact with books while I’m reading them like other cats I know are wont to do.

Just *bam* “Fuck you, and fuck your book” *purr purr purr purr*.

~John

More Montana or North-er Dakota

I have just returned from Canada, which I affectionately like to refer to as one of the names in the post’s title.

I went with my lady for a weekend in Vancouver. It is mostly chock full of construction for the upcoming 2010 Winter Olympic Games. We regardless saw much of the city, and had a generally fantastic time.

I could go on and on about what a wonderful weekend it was or I could share the one odd thing of note, (and our more sensitive geeks, those prone to night-terrors or bed-wetting may wish to skip this):

MOUNTAIN DEW HAS NO CAFFINE IN CANADA!

You heard me, no fucking caffine in the Mountain Dew sold in Cana-nadiannada. It still had a fuck-load of sugar in it, but none of the beautiful, life-draining caffine that I love.

I grabbed it from a vending machine, ignorant of my fate. I popped the tab, took a swig, and SPEWTCH, spit it out violently. I looked at the can trying to devise what had betrayed my pallet, only to discover written on the back of the can, “Contains no caffine”. I tentatively tasted another sip, and sure enough it still tasted every kind of wrong.

I made my way to the machine that dispensed this obscenity, and purchased a Dr. Pepper to see if it too had been Caffi-strated. Examining the back list of ingredients, I learned that it’s Caffi-ginity remained intact. 

I cannot figure out why the caffine is gone from one and not the other, but it haunts my dreams. Thanks a bunch Cananada, you’re a pal.

~John

A divergent topic – Kind of a two for one

I have begun another, thematic blog here at wordpress.

http://unholyretribution.wordpress.com is my first foray into blogging on a specific topic or theme. It deals with my experiences in the game World of Warcraft.

The idea is that this is a more general rambling, while the other is more focused on a specific hobby of mine.

Please feel free to give the new digs a visit and say hello. As usual, if you have any suggestions regarding layout/design let me know!

~John

Priorities

I have the hardest time in the world prioritizing the things that I want to do, (in relation to aspirations/goals).

The short list:
Be a polyglot
Write and get published
Travel the world
Work in broadcasting, (as a personality).
Be a voiceover actor
Write a novel
Find work I actually enjoy
Blog more

These and countless other things constantly vie with each other as to which to attempt to accomplish first.

How do you prioritize your goals?

Mayheekoh

I will be out of the office until Jan 19th.

I will not have access to email at this time, as I will be too busy with all the drinking, gambling, rampant debauchery, and carousing I’ll be doing.

If your correspondence is urgent, please contact other members of my department. Or you can totally just guess my answer and run with it, (I’ll be in Mexico, so your consequences will not affect me even a little until I return. At which point I’ll be so hung-over I probably won’t be able to hear you complain).

Thank You,
John Swinkels

P.S. I’m totally going to Mexico for a week! Laterz!

Pwned by the N00blet

Vicious Beasty:

teh-n00b

I got my new cat, (dubbed N00b) a couple of weeks ago, and he has grown rather quickly. His new trick is to scale the back of the chair you’re sitting in, (or skitter up your body) to rest at the back of your neck/shoulders. This would be fine if he stayed there all comfy and purry, but not the case.
He sits there getting comfy, then randomly goes straight with a half-hearted, (yet still surprising) nip to the neck. At that point I reach awkwardly behind me to grab the beasty, and he just stares at me and purrs.
I would take this more personally, if he didn’t attack his own tail and toes with the same ferocity.

~John

Of Viciously Amorous Rodents and Men

Instead of making a resolution, I thought I’d acknowledge my heroes and why they inspire me.

I’ll start with the writters.

A couple of writters are probably responsible for a lot of what inspires my thoughts and ponderings. For those unaware, I am a comicbook nerd. The writters I regard as favorites may have a novel or more under their belts, but will likely be best remembered by me for their work in comics and graphic novels.

Those writters being:

Neil Gaiman- I don’t think any other writter I enjoy captures the essence of a myth more than he does. He is also a consumate story-teller, able to weave an intricate tale that doesn’t seem complicated. For me, he doesn’t just suspend disbelief, he makes me question reality.

Warren Ellis – Makes me proud to be an unrepentant bastard. No one else spews acerbic-bile-laden rants so delightfully as him. Recklessly joins horrible, and vile words to beautifully describe just what humans are; miserable fuck-monkeys that have it coming.

Alan Moore - For making dystopian stories epic and meaningful. I don’t know that anyone writes better dialogue than he does. I think he acknowledges humanity in ways that make me approve of others flaws, and tollerate less of my own.

Later, I’ll get to the public figures that inspire me.

~John

…in a handbasket no less!

I’m going to hell.

This will not come as a surprise to anyone that knows me. Nor will it surprise anyone else, as no one reads this blog, (which is just fine, this is more of a self-indulgence anyway).

The most recent reason for my eternal damnation rests upon the feet of my inability to *not* vocalize a horrible idea.

This horrible idea, rife with all manner of wrongness is rather simple. I want to re-create Kubrick’s classic, ‘Full Metal Jacket’ only as a militant wing of the Catholic Church, and call it ‘Full Metal Convent’.

Now that you are done vomiting, I’ll ellaborate on why this will wake me up in the middle of the night, only to giggle with pure glee. The idea of a militant group of nuns is not one of my own concoction, it is a concept familiar to any reader of obscure comic books, or Simon R. Green, and quite a few other authors, (or really anyone who went to a Catholic school I hear).

The crux of the dellicious humor for me, is casting R. Lee Ermy in the movie as the ‘Sister Superior’ or ‘Lead Christ-Bride’ or whatever they call the one in charge, (after God, Jesus, Mary, Glen Danzig, and Bob Villa).

I can’t help but laugh my ass off when I see a formation of battle-grizzled nuns singing cadence as they march, (especially the really dirty ones).

I also have the delightful visual of Mr. Ermy telling this convent to ‘Pray’:

This is my ruler. There are many like it, but this one is mine… (Hillarity I say!).

Or how about this gem? Picture a nun covered in battlefield-grit, cigar clenched tightly in her teeth, launching a righteous salvo of bullets from her M-16 while the camera zooms in enough that you can see WWJD tattooed on her knuckles. Exquisite!

I assure you, there is much more.

So… who wants to give me a sack-full of money to shoot this?

Booooo

I hate bank holidays.  No one who really works for a living gets Monday off, only govt. employees and banks… why banks? If everyone else has to do business on that day, aren’t they losing money by not being able to provide service?

I call shenanigans.

Lamentation of the responsible

I used to find myself gaming in some form or another for 8hrs a day or more. This was in addition to work, school, and various social outings. These days I’m pushing it if I can dedicate a straight 3hrs, (and this is becoming more and more infrequent). To some this may seem more than excessive in its own right. Owning a game store definitely made my enthusiastic geeking-out seem almost in line with the entrepreneurial spirit. Nowadays however, with work being what it is, I find that my gaming takes the backseat to my many other obligations, (I dread what having children would do to the remaining time. The world in general sharing my trepidation for other, obvious reasons at the thought of me with spawn).

So began the search for various, and often ingenious ways to get my fix in smaller and more frequent doses.

Start with a more and more infrequent dalliance into the World of Warcraft, add a dash of check-when-you-will browser based games, (see previous post for a few examples) my trusty PSP, an attempt to revitalize the bi-weekly poker game, and when possible a convention or two a year. Of course should I come across other worthwhile mini-doses of sheer geekdom, I’ll make sure to make note of them. In the meantime, should anyone know of something that might slake my gaming thirst, be sure to let me know.

Fond Regards,

John

 Browser-based ranked gaming… that pays?! Word

http://www.skillground.com

Gonna go check this out now.